That question....

We are slowly beginning to tell those closest to us that we are moving forward with our plans of surrogacy. The number one question I am asked is "Isn't it going to be difficult to give up the baby?" I'm actually quite surprised at the frequency of this question. It has even been asked on occasion from people who are very familiar with the surrogacy process. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised by the frequency? I'm still trying to process why the question bothers me so much. The only explanation I have is that it is a lack of knowledge and understanding of the route of surrogacy we are going and perhaps just the initial shock of our announcement and concern for me.

A little bit about our form of surrogacy...

There are two forms of surrogacy: traditional surrogacy and gestational surrogacy. Traditional surrogacy, up until recently, has been the most common method of surrogacy. Traditional surrogacy is done via artificial insemination, with the surrogate using her egg and another man’s sperm. Gestational surrogacy is done via In Vitro Fertilization (IVF), where fertilized eggs from another woman are implanted into the surrogate’s uterus. We are going the gestational surrogacy route. J&L will be using J's sperm and donor eggs, probably from an egg bank, for our surrogacy. J&L may at some point share their story and journey to surrogacy but for now I will only be sharing our side of the story. The bottom line is that I will have absolutely zero genetic relation to the baby.

Back to the question of "Isn't it going to be difficult to give up the baby?" Absolutely not. There are a few reasons why.

1. Like I said before, I have zero genetic relation to the baby which also leaves me with zero legal right to keeping the baby. Going into this pregnancy knowing there is no possible chance of keeping the baby is definitely a big factor in my confident answer.

2. As soon as people hear J&L's story they can't help but feel excited and full of hope at the gift of this baby. This is definitely a God given miracle that we are even discussing all of this let alone going through with it all.

3. I like to think of this as extreme babysitting. I get to be the nanny for the first 9-10 months and then the parents will take over from there. The perfect situation! :)

4. This is mostly my hubby's number 1 response to this question. We will be able to stay a part of this baby's life as much as any other extended family member would be. All major holidays and life events, family dinners, birthday parties, summer picnics...pretty much all of the fun stuff.

Of course there will be the post-hormonal baby blues and I intend to be weepy after the baby is born for a few days (I was with both of our biological children) but that is completely unrelated to "giving up the baby" and purely a natural process of hormonal changes post-delivery. So far the support of our family and specifically from my hubby has been incredible. The excitement is already thick in the air!

Green Light from the Parents!!

J&L obviously wanted full approval from their relatives before making the final decision on going forward with surrogacy. They met with their parents last night and were quite relieved to hear that everyone is extremely excited and approving of their decision to use us as their surrogate. This was a big relief and I'll be honest, I was glued to my phone all day yesterday waiting for their parents' answer :) She messaged me this morning and P and I were thrilled to hear we could go forward. The next step is meeting with a fertility doctor to have all of our medical questions answered. P&I have two children biologically. Our first was born 5-weeks premature. He was perfectly healthy and the doctors said there was no medical explanation for my body going into labor although there really is no answer why women go into premature labor. Our second was full term. We are hoping that the fertility doctor will have no concerns and we will be able to go forward. We are so excited for J&L and can only imagine the excitement they are feeling. I walked past a baby store last night and was reminiscing about the time our own children were born and what an amazing experience and adventure it has been. We are thrilled to be able to be a part of another family's adventure!

Hey, do you guys wanna use my uterus?

We had our first face-to-face meeting with J & L to discuss all things surrogacy. Since first confirming that they did want to meet with us and talk about the option of surrogacy I had been so anxious. What made me so anxious was that I had already in my heart and mind made the decision that I did want to be their surrogate and was hoping that they too wanted that. Until tonight I wasn't sure if this was even something they wanted to seriously consider. They came over at 8:30pm. Our kiddos go to bed at 7:30 so they had just fallen asleep and given us a quiet house to talk in. Again, J & L are related to us so we did not have to go through awkward introductions but rather welcomed them in with lots of hugs and hot tea. We began our conversation simply with us telling them how we had come to our decision to offer them surrogacy and them telling us why they did in fact favor this option. I was thrilled to hear they did want to pursue this with us and instantly my heart rate came down and I'm sure my blood pressure leveled out. L told me that she would 100% be there with us through all of it and that too gave me quite a bit of peace knowing this situation was very much meant to be. L will be making a few calls tomorrow to set up appointments with lawyers and a reproductive center here in Boise. The reproductive doctor will be the deciding factor on whether or not I can physically go through with a pregnancy but we are all hopeful that we will be given the green light. Right now I'm very excited at the thought of being trusted with such a wonderful gift. I'm a little nervous to hear how our families will take news. Already I have told my mother and her reaction wasn't quite as I had hoped but I will assume she has the mommy concern so on fire in her that she is just looking out for her own baby.